Don't ask where I got this nuts idea. It just hit me. Maybe cause I'm sick with the common cold and it's effecting my brain waves or something, but here's a bit of my insanity for you. I am posing as Dr. Love! (hehehe!) C'mon, where are those applause?! (cricket... cricket) Just as a note, I was using The Love Calculator for this stupid BS.
Coronet: Woahkay.. This is how it works. I stick Quistis' name plus some other randomly innocent guy in there and see what we get. I'm using the stupid love calculator for crying out loud. So, let's see. Who's my first victim? (Looks around) AH! SQUALL! Come here!
Coronet grabs Squall and sticks him on a sofa next to Quistis.
Coronet: Now, let's see how your two names add up in this calculator! *adds them up* Mmmm, they say that you two have a 85% chance of being compatible for each other! I KNEW IT! Ditch Rinoa and go for Quisty!!! YOU AND RINOA ONLY GOT A 18% ON THE CALCULATOR! THAT PROVES THAT QUISTIS IS THE ONE FOR YOU!!!! PWAHAHHAHAHA!
Squall: Whatever...
Coronet: Excuse me? Are you mocking my authority?! (gets pissed)
Squall: Well, I love my beautiful Rinoa. I can't look at another woman. I'm sorry.
Coronet: ....
Squall: ...
Coronet: ...
Squall: ...
Coronet: ...
Quistis: (sweatdrop)
Squall: ...You're using my line.
Coronet: BAH! GET OUTTA HERE! (Kicks Squall out the door) You'll be sorry when we find out that Quistis is 100% compatible with someone like... like.... ZELL! (slams the door, satisfied)
Quistis: That really wasn't necessary, Coronet.
Coronet: Yes, it was. I swear, I'm the no.1 Rinoa hater but the No.1 Trepie! (gets starry eyed) You're my favorite character, Quistis!
(Quistis backs away slowly)
Coronet: *hits mallet on table* NEXT!
Large thugs in dark glasses drag a moving sack into the room and let out a rather stupefied man with long, shiny hair.
Coronet: *runs up and latches on to the man's arm* Hi, Laguna! Come over here and sit down next to Quisty!
Laguna: But, erm, I'm kinda busy now, Coronet.
Coronet gives Laguna the evil glare
Coronet: Just sit down, will ya!
Laguna: Erm... okay. *sits*
Coronet: Let's add your numbers up and see what we get! (runs off to use the calculator) HOLY CRAP! YOU AND LAGUNA HAVE A 93% CHANCE OF BEING COMPATABLE! (gets starry eyed!) Quistis! I think we've found a winner!
Laguna: (looks around suddenly) Huh?
Round way sweat drops
Quistis: I'm sorry, Coronet, but as I told you before the show, I want to be single for life.
Coronet: Whatever! I know you're just picky! You'll have to say yes when we find your perfect match! NEXT!
Thugs re-enter and pick up Laguna and drag him out.
Coronet: Bye Mr. Loire! Now, who do we want to drag in...? (ponders for a moment) Ah! Lemme go get him!
Coronet emerges a minute later from behind the curtains with a man stuffing himself full of foot long hotdogs
Quistis: ...You can't be serious.
Coronet: Oh but I am! Mwahahaha! (plops Zell down next to Quistis)
Zell: Yo, what's this all about?
Coronet: Just shut up and sit there! I have to do something real quick! *runs off again*
Zell: Urm, yo Quistis, what's this about?
Quistis: She's trying to find me a perfect match.
Zell: Oh. So what am I doing here?
Quistis: She's gonna see if you're compatible with me.
Zell: But I have a girlfriend!!!
Quistis: "The Girl With Pigtails?"
Coronet: (re-emerges) Dang it. You two only have a 62% chance. This one's a dud. *grumbles to herself* And I was so hoping to piss of Squall too...
Zell: Can I go now?
Coronet says nothing just waves her hand at him.
Coronet: Well, there's only one main character guy left from FFVIII.
Quistis: Erm, if it's Irvine, he's already taken.
Coronet: So!? This is my job to entertain the visitors of Misunderstood Love! C'mon, it's just show biz! (runs off to grab Irvine)
Irvine: Uh, who is this cute girl hanging on to my arm, Quistis?
Quistis: That's our webmistress and host, Coronet.
Coronet: Don't hit on me, you moron! I'm trying to see if you're compatible with Quistis! Sit here and shut up real quick or I'll be telling Selphie!
Irvine: ...
Quistis: ...
Coronet: Dang it, another dud! YOU'RE WORSE OFF THAN ZELL! ONLY 17%?! What's WRONG with you! Argh!
Irvine: How about I check your and my compatibility, sweetie?
Coronet: (takes out a pan and hits Irvine upside the head) Next!
Camera Man: But we're fresh out of men, ma'am.
Coronet: What?! That's not possible! We haven't found a match for Quistis yet!
Suddenly from the dark corners of the room, a shadow approaches
Coronet: Could it be... is it Seifer?!
Dark Seifer: No, I am Seifer's alter ego, Dark Seifer.
Coronet: So I see. Hey, where's Seifer anyway?
Dark Seifer: I had to do away with him you see. He was interfering with my prospects of world domination.
Coronet raises eyebrows
Coronet: Looks like another dud to me, right Quistis? ...Quistis? QUISTIS?!
In the mean time Quistis has wrapped her arms around DS and is involved in a deep kiss.
Coronet: (drops her mic) Woah-kay, that was unexpected. I don't think we need the love calculator for this one. Erm, okay... you two done yet? Hello? YO! I AM STILL HERE! HELLOOOOO~!!!!!?!??!?!
Appears Coronet has lost her tv ratings (and on the first episode, go figure) and this will be the final episode before it is cut off the air. Quistis finally found the man of her dreams and it's none other than Seifer's alter ego! Hehe, I knew they should be together forever. Mwahaha. Sefier's got a girl, Quistis' finally got a man and Coronet's still fuming over the loss of favor for her tv show.